I feel like it's already over between me and my SO. We have been together a bit over two years and have a daughter together. Our whole relationship has been a rollercoaster. Before we were officially together he was really wishy washy. I can't forget about a time we had just had sex and he turned over and said "I don't think I want to be in a relationship I just want to do whatever" it hurt a lot. So then I turned my eyes to someone else I loved but he lived across the country. He actually drove to see me and took me to meet his family a while north of where I am. When I came back home though I ended up falling for my current SO because me being with someone else made him see how much he wanted to be with me. We got together and not even a week in I found out I was pregnant with his kid. We had opposing views on what to do. It was my body, I have bipolar II (not diagnosed at that time) but I knew I had mental health issues and I knew I couldn't handle an abortion because of this. I also found out that 2 days before we were "officially" together that he was texting other girls asking them for nudes. He also slept with other girls. It was weird because we were best friends, I slept over every single night and we hung out ALL day long. He doesn't believe any of this is wrong because we were "official" but we were always together he took me on dates and we were sleeping together. I thought we were only seeing each other. Any way, It took until I was halfway through the pregnancy for him to want the baby too. It was hard, we fought so much. He left his journal out one day and something caught my eye... My name and so I snooped (which I know is wrong buuuut...) It said that he was lying that he loved me that he missed his ex, that even though I kept asking him if he loved me that he didn't care he was just going to lie to me. The rest of my pregnancy went smooth. After the baby I fell into a deep depression and he didn't understand whenever I would have an episode he would just tell me I might as well kill myself. I feel guilty I'm making him look like such a terrible person cus he is a good guy he is kind to me and will do anything for me. I'm not trying to paint a pretty picture of myself either. I nag him a lot, I judge him often. Back to it, I recently started having feelings for one of our best friends. And turned out he has them for me too and he told me about his feelings before I told him. My SO knows everything. We have never acted upon it, we just tried to make it go away. My SO asked me to marry him as a result without a ring which feels weird because I didn't want it to be that way. I'm glad he never gave me a ring because I don't know if I'm ready anymore. This situation makes me question our compatibility I'm a highly emotional person and he chooses not to have emotions because they get in the way. I don't feel that deep connection with him. I stopped believing in true love being with him, it feels like this is just reality and I had to learn that love is just like this and I have too high expectations. I have tried to talk to him about it but he just tells me I'm making it up and I have to stop trying to dig so deep inside of him because there's nothing more there and there are things he wants to keep private and not share his thoughts. I get annoyed by things he likes I get annoyed cus we sit here in our home and he just started at his phone and when I try to talk he doesn't even hear me. He never talks about any emotions. He tries so hard to please me and I don't know why it doesn't feel like it even if I know it and see it it still doesn't feel like it. I love him. Me and my therapist talk about it but I still need outside perspectives. I'm hurting. I have fallen for someone else and I really don't want these feelings. I want to make things better with my SO but I just don't know how. Communication doesn't seem to be working because I just feel crazy. I constantly question myself, my beliefs and feel like it is wrong to have so many feelings. Sometimes I feel like we just can't accept each other for who we are. I'm so scared of the outcome. I want to want to be with him for the rest of my life. I did want that for so long, but my perspective of our relationship has changed after he asked me to marry him. And like I said we have a beautiful daughter so everything is even more complicated.