As a kid, I wanted to grow up and "make a difference" and run a nonprofit. So I did a bunch of extracurricular activities and studied really hard, went to college (rinse and repeat), went to law school (rinse and repeat), graduated with mortgage-sized debt and moved across the country where I live in a tiny studio with my hubby and our dog. And now it's been almost twenty years since baby me set these goals for myself and I'm being groomed to take over a small national nonprofit with a rich legacy. I should be ecstatic, I can check all the little boxes. But I'm miserable actually. I miss my friends back home. I don't have time alone because the city is so crowded and I work a lot of hours, nights, weekends, travel. My health is not great because I am always stressed out. I feel pretty lonely and I know hubby is lonely too. Therapy, vitamins, healthcare, exercise, religion - none of it has really helped. And every time I ask someone for advice, they say I should be happy and not discount this great opportunity and shouldn't I be grateful for this opportunity!? But the reality is that ambition does come with a cost. I've essentially let a fourteen year old girl come up with my life plan. And now that I'm here, I realize I never really spent time with myself to figure out what would make me happy because I was always so focused on what happens next. Sometimes it is really good not to have a life plan. I wish I had a way to tell that to my younger self.