For my wife to get pregnant. There is nothing in this world we want more than to be parents.

We have been married for over 6 years. It has been about 32 months since we made the exciting decision to start trying for a family. It had been almost 28 months since she miscarried at 7 weeks in. We've seen doctors, we've spent money on everything but IVF (I don't have that kind of cash, nor would I put her through that), and no one can explain why. "Unexplained infertility" is what they say with no inkling of a reason. Nothing we can do, but to keep trying and timing it.

Watching close friends and family members get pregnant and have healthy children has been a struggle. I have held many of my friend's babies as well as my newest niece while smiling, being happy for them, but inside I'm crushed. Why can't this be us? Meanwhile, I look over at my wife knowing her internal struggle is much harder to grapple with than mine. She struggles with her thoughts. Thoughts like "It's not fair, I've been trying longer", "What is wrong with me?", and "Will my husband still love me if I can't get pregnant" creep through her mind, causing anxiety. I know because I've been on the same ride right there with her. Every month is seems we let ourselves get a little excited at the thought of being parents. Within a couple weeks, this is followed by disappointment when her period comes. It happened again this morning. She's napping on the couch as I write this, tears welling in my eyes because I can't help but think that just a short while ago she was sobbing in my arms, after using the bathroom and realizing that it's coming again this month.

I'm starting to think we're just not meant to be parents.