Are we ever truly doing alright? Heh. It's been a rough couple of weeks of massive ups-and-downs with me, lots of self-destruction, and finally accepted conclusions that we always get told not to accept. Like how the addiction to chaos will be with me forever in some form or another and the current form of use is manageable enough, so fuck it. No reason to bother trying to run from who I am, that's been causing shit to be way worse. As long as I'm functional and enjoying myself, that's fine for me.

This knowledge that ultimately I'll end myself is something I've had for a long time, though. I'm not in a hurry, but I'll go out on my own terms.