1) So my argument here is that extra time (like the battles) is fine so long as it's entertaining. Hardhome was massively entertaining. Blackwater was massively entertaining. The Watchers on the Wall might be one of my all time favorite battles I've ever watched. I don't think there was anything entertaining (narratively important, sure, but not fun to watch) about Theon's torture, so why linger 5 times longer than necessary. Also, I don't buy the argument that we needed all that time to remember the characters or build up their evilness. We remembered Mance just fine even though he dropped out for a season and a half, and understood what a monster The Mountain was after no more than 5 minutes of exposition.

2) Alex Graves is a real life person who lives in our current, modern society. The fact that he didn't realize that he directed a rape scene is the problem, not what the fictional characters of Jaime and Cerise thought about it. But let me engage with your comment anyway - just because Jaime and Cersie do terrible things doesn't mean that one of them can rape the other without any sort of fallout. To suggest that rape has no impact on your familial or romantic relationships is downright irresponsible. (Which to be fair, wasn't the case here. D&D weren't trying to say that rape had no impact, the scene had no impact on Jaime and Cersie's relationship because it wasn't supposed to be a rape scene.) So yeah, the problem is that Graves is a shithead who doesn't recognize rape when it stares him in the face. I just also don't buy the argument that you have to have a modern definition of rape for it to have some sort of consequence on your relationship.

3) I really disagree that "the artistic purpose of GoT is to generate 'pretty sickening' scenes. I think the point is to tell a good story. One of the story telling aspects I like about GoT/ASoI&F is that it subverts fantasy tropes with a good dose of brutal reality. That isn't to say that people are watching GoT strictly for that brutality, or that the entire artistic purpose of the show is to portray things that are sickening. There are far worse places to go on the internet if watching sickening scenes is really your jam. But fine, like the Red Wedding or Oberyn's head, sometimes the show wants to double-down on shocking violence. Other times, it wants to titillate with sexposition. Both of those are fine - but don't combine them. Don't shoot your sexual violence scenes the same way you shoot your sexposition scenes.