You're twenty, go into the world and interact with it. You'll quickly find what feels right and wrong.

I'm guessing you know a lot of us would reccomend psychedelics here, I wouldn't for you. Not if you're someone who hasn't found a solid 'earthing' in the world, you need to be able to trust your sober self more than any inebriated self. In shamnic traditions young people who are showing signs of 'being visited by spirits' are always set to manual, intense work, they're never allowed to just untether from the world and live in the spirit world. Why? Because it's incredibly dangerous for a young psyche to do so. You have so much potential, pour it into something and enjoy that, just being a human.

For our race to succeed the solution must be available on this plane, for everyone, psychedelics or not. These drugs are utilised in rare cases to satisfy deep curiosity, but they are not the bedrock for the self, which is what you rightly seek at 20.