People like you, with valid reasons (upbringing/past and seeing them post on other social media), I can at least understand and try to accomodate.
I wish this was the case, but it doesn't work out that way for me in real life. I wish they would accommodate, but I would never tell them that I act this way because of my past. It just feels like I'm looking for an excuse. And the girl would never figure it out on her own, so they can't accommodate something that they don't know exists. In their eyes I'm just being mean.
"It's such a small thing. Why can't you just do it?" First, it's not a small thing to go from me using SMS maybe two times a week to using it 4 dozen times a day. Second, if it's such a small thing, why are you making such a big deal about it? No answer. I tried anyway.
I've said this same thing to girls many times. And for me, I know how minor it is, and how stupid and petty it is for me to be bothered by it, but I'm still bothered by it. It's just literally impossible for it not to bother me, even though I know it's a small thing.
If you really care about me then you would think of me during the day and want to text me.
I've also said that. In my eyes, responding to your text right away is a priority. So when I don't get the same feeling back, It hurts.
I tried everything. Staying when she said to leave. Hugging when she was upset.
This part actually gave me chills it made me uncomfortable just thinking about it. I haaaaate those 2 things, so so much. If I'm arguing with someone, I'm disgusted with them at the moment. So that person trying to hug is repulsive to me. I would never ever hit a girl, but when they do that hug thing when I'm angry, it makes me feel so gross that I have to push them off. I tell them I hate it, but it just makes them do it more because now they know how to get under your skin.
I know you mean well...you're a normal person who wants to handle it like a normal human being, but to someone that's a little unstable, it's an absolute nightmare. In my experience anyway. The whole staying when asked to leave thing also makes me very upset.
Have you been able to figure it out at all or reign it in?
Actually I've made some really good progress lately. I had to quit a great job I had, because my mental health was really starting to affect my work and I just couldn't do it anymore. So I'm 29, and quit my job 6 months ago. I've always had a lot of depression and anxiety my whole life, because my house was just such a scary environment to grow up in. And I figured all the stress from all the different things in my life was preventing me from healing mentally, so I dropped everything. But after months of not having that stress, I found myself just as messed up as before. I made no improvements. But then my mom told me that she thinks I'm bipolar, and I should read up on it. I looked it up, and my goodness, it was me. Every single symptom of being bipolar, I had. It usually doesn't start around your early to mid 20's, and mine started exactly then. I used to be a relatively normal kid, but once I got around 25, I fell apart. To the point that I knew I'm a drain on society, and shouldn't be alive for the well being of everyone else.
I had taken different anti depressants in the past, and it always severely hurt my life. It made me more crazy every time. Then I found out that being on anti depressants without a mood stabilizer, makes you manic. No wonder I was totally crazy those times.
So here's the improvement, I started taking lithium as a mood stabilizer about 2 months ago, and my life has changed. I'm just so much more happy now, and my mood doesn't keep going all over the place. You don't understand unhappiness until you live your life with 24/7 irritability. No matter what happened, no matter if I was having a good day, and good things were happening, I would be so painfully irritable. I would be hanging out with my cousins, just crying to them about how I can't stop being irritable. And I was afraid to hang out with anyone because I knew I would be angry, and don't want to be upset at them. So I distanced myself from everyone to keep them happy, so I lost every relationship I had with everyone. Lost all my friends, Family, Girls. I'm still trying to make new friends but it's so difficult because I never learned the skills to building a relationship with anyone when I was young.
So the lithium is amazing, And I have zero side effects. I still have problems with mentally falling apart when I experience discomfort, but It's spaced so far apart now that it's not so bad. Better than being like that 24/7. I know I still have a lot of mental growing to do, because I still was never able to learn these skills growing up, but at least now that I'm stable, I have some type of opportunity to actually improve. It doesn't feel like I'm always going downhill and completely hopeless.
Anyways, sorry about the long post. And I apologize for any typos, I'm on mobile. I hope I gleamed some light on what it's like from this side.