I never understood the gravity of depression until I had to live it. Depression is my very own hell on earth. It's utterly exhausting, and feels like being in mud up to my neck and trying to sprint. I have isolated from friends to the point they've given up, and I constantly remind myself of what a piece of shit I am for doing this. There is a constant hollow emptiness in my chest, and I have no energy, nor motivation. The narrator in my mind frequently reminds me of past mistakes, failures, and broken dreams while simultaneously creating anxiety about the possibility of having to live a future as bleak as the present. Accomplishing nothing becomes a self defeating cycle, and combined with the isolation, I feel a deep sense of shame, unworthiness, unlovability, and self-loathing. I've tried numerous medications, and they make everything worse. There are tools and techniques that I utilize on a daily basis that make life tolerable, and sometimes even great, but if I become complacent, the narrator quickly drags me straight into the depths of hell.