I never thought i could hate a person so much that i could consider if i could murder them and not get in trouble. just so you guys have some context because i'm normally the most patient, happy, caring, person in the world. I constantly get teased for being too friendly and nice all the time:
I cared for my husband's blind, deaf, diabetic, schizophrenic, dialysis patient grandmother in my home for over a year 24 hours a day/7 days a week. She was nice to me for a few months, doing what the doctor's needed her to do, following the rules set up by the courts and my father in law who is her legal guardian.She was abandoned by her other son in her trailer and he basically left her to die. I was also told i would never ever meet this grandmother because she was estranged to my father in law.
then one day it all changed when she found out that i am black and my husband is white. She thought i was Italian for some reason.
she would call me racist things ( i would let it slide because she is old), she would deliberately go to the bathroom on herself when she didn't get what she wanted or had to do anything she wanted but i didn't ask her correctly or her food wasn't how she wanted it or what she wanted. She is diabetic so she can only have sugar free candy but that didn't stop her from telling people in the store i don't feed her anything and then falling out in the store and having me look like a bad person when i was trying to help her up in to her wheel chair and she kept screaming "OW OW SHE IS PINCHING ME SHE IS HURTING!" she would dead weight herself when i would try to pick her up and i ended up hurting myself and she would just laugh.
my husband and i had moved to his hometown and i was trying to make friends but i couldn't leave the house ( no one else would watch her) so i was completely isolated,depressed and lonely and if my husband did bring someone over she would tell them horrible things about me and i never made friends. She would punch my cat because she hated cats. She constantly told my in laws i was cheating on my husband when i wasn't since i couldn't leave the house to even go grocery shopping. I smoked tons of weed at this point because i was depressed i didn't know what to do
no one in his family believed me that she was this terrible because she would act like an old silly old woman who didn't know what was going on when she was with them and when we got home would act like the devil.
one night i was giving her her night insulin after an hour long fight over why she had to take it and i thought to myself: "i could give her the wrong dose and she could die in her sleep and no one would know it was me, she has bad kidneys and her blood sugar is never that stable so i wouldn't get in trouble."
I called my husband in to the kitchen and told him what i had thought and made him give him her night meds because i creeped myself out with the fact that it came to mind so easily.
a few months later she was moved to a nursing home because of health getting worse and worse. They say she is such a sweetheart. but i know the real her.