Nothing, and nothing. No one needs to know shit, they don't want to hear shit, and words won't solve any of my problems, nor do I want anyone to try with that vapid banter. No sappy speech is going to make me feel anything but guilt, and words don't change dire circumstances from extremely poor life choices and cosmically bad luck. You're not going to motivate. Just fuck off and let me live alone in what little peace of mind I have left from a lifetime of misery. I live alone, I can die alone, whenever that might be. You want me alive? You're the selfish one. What happens, happens; you should have cared to be there, but you weren't. People are fine throwing out their problems for me to listen to, and I patiently do, and will pour my heart and soul into actually helping, but I cannot help myself, and no one bothers to truly listen to or understand me without trying to ignorantly trivialize or grossly misunderestimate the severity of the situation, so I keep quiet.
Spend a day in the chaos of my mind and body. Live with trigeminal neuralgia, live with bleeding fucking ulcers. Pile on tens of thousands of dollars of debt and tanked credit with nothing to show for it but failing independence, add the tremendous "criminal" charges that have been pending for a year. Do that for just one day and tell me you want life. Lived the last ten years away from the shallow assholes I consider friends. Now that some of them have come back, doesn't give them the right to suggest anything. My life was irrelevant to everyone else, so don't act like it's not now; that's only going to piss me off. What happens, happens. Most of my problems were brought on by myself and I will deal with them myself. If it comes to the Z-plan, so be it. Live and let live, or die and let live, but please just fuck off.
I'm a professional of failure, the patron saint of bad luck, cursed to solitude and deep thoughts of the horrible virus that is humanity. My problems don't affect you and I'll never let them. Show me one act of kindness by respecting that. Typing this out and making reddit miserable doesn't help and it's just another reminder of my weakness. Will probably delete this like I do any other time this kind of shit pops up.
I am trying to get help, I have been trying to get help, but neurologists are expensive. Gastroenterologists are expensive. Psychiatrists are expensive. Insurance is the scum of the earth for being able to label everything as "pre-existing condition" while footing me with the deductibles and bills on top of the absurd rates. The judicial system is the scum of the earth. I'm broken financially, physically, mentally, and possibly sexually at this point (hooray, urologists are expensive too), which is another can or worms that needs to be looked into. Fuck you all, and fuck everything else. The only solace I have is that no one else has to directly suffer from my conditions and actions.
-TL;DR Acting as a guide through hell, won't change the fact that I'm still in hell; it's better off to burn alone.