It's completely destroyed me.
I lost my best friend less than 5 months ago. He hung himself in a barn on his SOs property. He was supposed to come over to my place that day and hang out. I texted him all day never getting a response. For some reason, something felt wrong. In the back of my mind I knew something was off. But I brushed it off, assuming he was busy or that his boyfriend was being an ass and wouldn't let him leave the house.
Now a little background. We'll call my friend S. I've known S since my junior year at high school. We were extremely close friends out of nowhere. If you asked either of us how we became friends we really had no answer. Out of the blue westartedhanging out at each other's houses, spending weeks practically living together. It got to the point where if we went anywhere alone people would immediately wonder where the other person was. After we graduated S moved in with me and my mom and we shared a room for about a year.
S was gay. and though he was very attractive and people constantly complimented him when we out, he had low self esteem and never really dated the nicest guys. So he started going on dating sites and meeting up with people. He started meeting one guy in particular and they eventually started a relationship. S was 20 and this new guy was almost 40. Creepy, but whatever I wanted my friend to be happy. Long story short this man turned out to be the most selfish, childish, abusive, and lazy human being I've ever known. The relationship became very controlling and abusive. Both of them would come to my house with bruises and blood on their faces. I didn't know what to do, I wanted to kill this man for touching my best friend. I wanted him gone. But S said he loved him. The few chances we ever had alone I urged him to see this wasn't love, this wasn't okay, that he deserved so much more and so much better. My words fell on deaf ears. I hate myself every day for letting that man live.
So back to the day S is supposed to come to my house. I heard no response from him all day. At this point in my life I'm living in my own place