I want to discuss with my significant other about what we consider cheating or not. I see that many people ask question like "is this cheating", we can find opinion and we can find statistics. However, I do not want to know what other people consider cheating, I want to know what my couple think is cheating.
If you had a discussion like that in your couple, how did you do it ?
I am thinking about doing a list of things that people consider cheating in a relationship, and different possible answers.
For each statement, there would be 2 questions. The question would always be "Do you accept it if..." Then the statement. And the second, do we have to tell each other.
What should be the answer ? I was thinking about different level, 1. Yes, always ok 2. Yes, but (depend on type, frequency, reason...) 3. Not comfortable (or if it happen once, we have to discuss about it) 4. No, but (depend of type, frequency, reason... or If you want to do it, we have to tell before) 5. No, if you do it, you are breaking our relationship. For answer 2 and 4, you can add scenarios.
To the second question, do we have to tell each other, 1. You have to tell every time, 2. you have to tell if I ask 3. you have to tell that you are doing it in general 4. You do not have to tell, 5. Don't tell, I do not want to know.
On the statements side, I would like to put them in different categories, here are ideas I had from what I could find people considering (or not) to be cheating. Right now it's mostly actions, but it can also include feelings and thought.
Alone - Masturbating - Watching porn - Going to stripper - Being attracted by a stranger
Communication - Phone call, texting - Short meeting (ex. coffee shop) - Flirting - Erotic call - Sexting - Sending nudes - Sex videocall
Social interaction - Going to restaurant - Going to an event - Spending the day together - Date (the other pay or clearly have interest other than being friend) - Be alone with the other in your/his-her house/apartment/room - Sleeping in the same house/apartment/room - Sleeping in the same bed
Physical interaction - Hugging - Holding hands - Cuddling - Touching - Spooning - Kissing - Undressing/being naked with - Showering/bathing - Watching the other masturbate - Touching intimate parts - Oral sex - Sexual relation with penetration