Late to this post but I've needed to get this off my chest for awhile now, sorry in advance for making so long and meandering. Almost exactly a year ago I literally did try to take my own life, and I'm thankful every day that it didn't take. A year ago I was hopeless and lost, felt like my life is meaningless and that I was a failure with no future. I was obese and had health problems that felt like they were slowly killing me when I'm nowhere near old enough for that. I had just lost my job. I've also been dealing with depression pretty much since I was 12. And on top of all that I had just found out (while at my best friend's wedding) that my toxic, manipulative GF of 5 years (now ex, obviously) had been cheating on me for months.
I'm not religious in the slightest, but trying to end it and failing made me think maybe there's a reason it didn't work. So, very long story short, I decided to make some changes and see if I could figure out how to be happy before trying again. I lost almost 100 lb and got down to a healthy weight. I stopped drinking for 6 months. I spent the entire spring and summer reconnecting with some of my closest friends.
Losing weight and getting in shape, something I literally thought was impossible, gave me the confidence to finally apply to law school, and I ended up getting a full scholarship to my first choice school where I've met some absolutely incredible friends. I know exactly what I want to do with my JD, and for the first time in my adult life I feel like I have a purpose and that I'm somewhat smart and competent. I'm dating someone way better than my ex, someone who actually treats me like a person. I spent a big part of the summer going to music festivals with my brother and closest friends, and I've never been happier than when I was at Bonnaroo, watching Childish Gambino and surrounded by the people I care about most. Working out and exercising has gone from something I dread to something I look forward to every day. Instead of being insecure and self-conscious, my confidence is through the roof in almost any setting. I've discovered I like being outdoorsy rather than just sitting in my room when I have free time. And all of this isn't even getting into the intangible changes in my mental health and how I view the world compared to a year ago, but basically I'm an entirely different person in the best way possible and for the first time since I was a kid, I feel truly happy and content with my life almost all the time. Some days are still rough, depression never really goes away, but I win that fight every single day now and the depression doesn't control my life anymore. If I had given up a year ago, I would have missed out on getting my life back and being the happiest I've ever been