doing parkour when i was younger

generally i was always "tired" of life, always faking smiles and pretending to care. i thought everyone was in on it, like life was a game and these are the rules here.

parkour was something that genuinely caught my interest.normally im broke but i had a low paying (but easy) job that gave me just enough to pay the bills and still do the parkour training.so, i do it.

now i wasnt particularly light or particularly good but i was able to do it. about 2 weeks later, on a nice sunny day,im walking to the parkour gym and thinking about life. i have a job that i dont hate, i live somewhere where no one bothers me and i have money to do what makes me feel good. suddenly, i feel like a wave of fire rolls over me, like getting the chills but it was warm.like that "fire inside" or "passion fire" was suddenly lit.it feels like this aura of warmth is just leaking out me and i just couldn't stop smiling. for the first time, i felt genuine happiness.

i honestly didn't think it existed. like perky people were just more adept at hiding the shit portions of there lives.sure, i had read about it but i never felt it so i always assumed it was some sort of melodramatic bullshit or something you say to catch a persons attention like the "butterflys in your stomach" or "seeing stars".

a lot has changed since then but it helped me hold it together long after the feeling was gone.being melodramatic now, its a light i can always turn to when everything gets dark, i know theres an outside to this tunnel.

i would tell other people to "hold on" but it all fell together(and apart) by dumb luck.describing it will never do it justice and if you never feel it, then i can see how'd you feel.being dramatic again, its like finding the lochness monster, or big foot, you'd never believe until you see it (or feel it in this case)

TL;DR found out happyness is real and not just that bullshit smile you learned doing customer service.it changed my direction in life