Other side of that question reporting in...

I cheated on my partner, broke up with her immediately after, told her ~ a week later that I cheated on her (my reasoning at the time was that I didn't want to break her heart twice). This all happened a little over a year ago. We are still together. We are currently going to counseling together (not just for the cheating thing). For the record, we are quite happy together, but we're young and both pride ourselves on making decisions on our own that we feel are "right", so we are having doubts about such a serious relationship at this juncture of our lives.

To this day I feel a bit selfish about telling her I cheated. I did it because I very much believe in being truthful at the very least even when you cannot be good. I also feel though that my conscience pushed me to tell the truth, and in that sense I feel like I was merely seeking my own catharsis by telling her. But, if I did not tell her, there is no way I would have been able to get back together with her--that would have been way too much dissonance inside of me and would have destroyed me physically and emotionally.

I can't be sure, but I think she is glad I told her. Our relationship leading up to the cheating was shitty, and I know she still blames herself partly for that shittiness and partly blames herself for the cheating happening--which I do not like that she does, but I get it. The cheating was a bit of a wake up call for both of us as individuals and as a couple and we both recognize that. I don't think she would at all like the idea of not knowing the cheating happened. We were pretty miserable right before the cheating and covering up a dirty secret like that would not have been good for the mix.

The pain I have caused her is deep and it is still there and of course we both wish it did not happen, but I do not think either of us would choose ignorance over reality.

A relationship will be wrought with pain and choosing to ignore the causes does not mean the pain will not find you.