I'm the oldest girl in my family, with 4 older half-brothers who, subsequently, have very little to do with my dad. I never really understood why they shied away from our family when I was little (there are 19+ years between the youngest of the 4 and me). My mom never really addressed it (they're her stepsons) and my dad made a point to stress that they avoided our family because they "hated you girls" (there are 3 of us girls in this second family of my dad's) for "taking Dad away from them". Brothers later told me (when I grew up and made an attempt at relationships with them) that Dad's explanation that they "hated" us and that's why they stayed away was absolute bullshit--Dad actually began treating them like shit, screwing them over when they would work for him on jobs (he did construction at the time) and threatened them if they tried to get "too involved" with his "new" family.
My dad is a religious fanatic and complete narcissist. His favorite phrase was "I could save you twenty years if you'd just listen to me and do what I say." He never lectured my two younger sisters the way he would lecture me when I was growing up. If I did something wrong, I was guaranteed a 2 hour lecture about it. I worked my ass off to impress him while I was in school, and to this day (as I work as an RN and obtaining my Master's Degree) he never congratulates me or tells me he's proud of me, though he will brag ALL DAY LONG to others about my accomplishments, like he had anything to do with them.
The bullshit behavior and manipulation only got worse the older I got. Things got really bad when I met my current boyfriend and brought him home to meet my family at his request. Dad immediately hated him. Found out boyfriend has a shady past and JUMPED at the opportunity to berate me for choosing someone like that, despite the fact that my boyfriend is kind, honest, and completely polite, even when people act like an ass to him, the way my dad does every chance he gets.
After a couple months of dating, my boyfriend and I decided to get an apartment together. Dad was all over the opportunity to lecture me every single day until the day I moved out about how he "couldn't believe I, of all his kids, would live with someone she wasn't married to" (he and my mom had lived together prior to getting married, and all 6 of my siblings had done it when they were teenagers. I was 22.), that I "knew better" and "who was going to take care of him now" and "no man in his right mind would marry me" so I was "just setting myself up for failure." He called my brothers and two of my aunts to bitch about it and talk shit about my boyfriend. All of those people met my boyfriend a year or so later, and told me right away what my dad had done and how they couldn't understand why, since my boyfriend is great.
Needless to say, when I started looking for my first house, I chose one three towns over from him. He can't drive anymore due to his health, and I only really see him once every two or three months. I don't call, email, FB message, nothing. He complains to my mom about how I--and my brothers, in particular--never call him (my two younger sisters still go see him and my mom pretty regularly, which makes sense since he never did shit to them, it was all towards me), yet the man has never once called me, and he refuses to call my brothers.
I have gone to therapy to try to undo some of the mind manipulation bullshit he did to me (honestly, who tells their daughter "no man in his right mind would marry you"?), and my boyfriend and brothers have been a huge help in getting over some of the more painful parts of my life that my dad exploited. Having the power to see or not see, speak or not speak to him has really brought back my sense of self-confidence, which helps me block the bullshit he inevitably tries to pull when I do finally see him. I'm so grateful for the support and help I've gotten since I moved out.
Sorry for the long post, but it feels good to put that out there for the "world" to see.