I was one of the gray people. My memory of the day is sketchy, sort of like a dream. I was on Liberty, so immediately south of the complex and I stayed too long. Unlike most people, I went south. There's about an hour that is completely lost. I have other memory which is only in short flashes. Like I remember a brownie (NYC traffic cop) pulling me away from the subway (I was trying to get out of there) and the guy I invited to walk with me, because he didn't know where to go. I remember not being able to reach anyone and at the time, I didn't have internet on my phone, so the irony was that I knew less of what was happening than most. At first, I didn't know the building came down. I thought it was a nuke.

What was going through my mind: I talked to people - everyone was asking everyone - and tried to get news, all the while I vividly recall thinking that there were more planes. I kept asking what was happening uptown because I had people uptown and I was thinking that this must be happening all over the city. At the worst moments, I didn't want to survive. It's difficult to explain, but I wasn't able to imagine the rest of the world. I saw some terrible things. I pictured in my head that my family, my house and everything I knew was gone. I thought the world was ending and I was okay with dying. When I reached the water, I could see the Jersey side and I remember realizing that it was all in tact.

I made my way to Hoboken, to my best friend's place, and along the way, I listened to the radio and heard about the pentagon. People had said something about the white house and the pentagon, but nothing was confirmed until I heard the radio. I was in a car, but it wasn't a taxi. I think it was just someone giving me a ride - it's vague. I lost my jacket with my wallet, so I didn't have any money on me. I got to my friend's place and he wasn't there, but I had a key. I made some calls and was able to find out that my family was okay. I explained where I was, and that I would see them later.

I took a shower and found a t-shirt and a pair of my friend's sweat pants (he's much shorter than me, so it was the only thing that would fit). I poured some wine and put on a classical CD. I didn't want to see the news, I don't think I wanted to know anymore. I think I spaced out, like a very calm and quiet mental breakdown. I remember looking in his pantry and giggling because he never has any food in the house, or how I should buy him a silverware organizer because his knives and forks were in a pile in the drawer - just crazy shit like that. As if nothing happened. My friend (who I've known all my life) came in a while later and saw me in his kitchen, drinking a glass of wine. He just hugged me and asked if I was okay. I told him I needed to go to bed. That was it. We didn't talk more than that. I slept until 10am the next day.