My dad died the day before my 16th birthday and I found out through a text from my best friend’s mom.

He had been in the hospital for a few months but since he was chronically ill my whole life, I had kind of gotten used to him being in there. I basically lived in hospitals growing up, it almost felt normal. He seemed fine when I visited the night prior, and I left without saying a proper goodbye as I was busy panicking about a stupid test. It was 6th period, school was almost over and I was excited for my birthday the next day. My best friend happened to be in the same class and had been giving me strange looks the whole time. I was about to ask her what was wrong when I get a text from her mom saying she was “so sorry for my loss.” I immediately felt cold all over. Confused and filled with dread, I asked her what her mom meant. She asked the teacher if she could talk to me outside for a second and confirmed my worst fears right as the bell rang. I crumpled to the ground as people filled the hallways. I didn’t cry, I thought I was just having a nightmare. That I would wake up soon. I kept pinching myself and repeatedly telling myself that it wasn’t real. I remember wanting nothing more than to crawl out of my own skin. It was the most surreal feeling, sitting there in a crowded hallway, breaking down while people went about their day like nothing was happening.

Turns out my mom had posted about his death on Facebook before telling me anything. I had deactivated my account months prior, so I hadn’t seen anything. I couldn’t really be mad at my mom, she was in shock and grieving too. I have to add that at the time, my mom and I had an awful relationship, but we’ve since come a long way. I really love my mom and don’t want any bad comments towards her. Just wanted to get this off my chest because although I’ve forgiven her, it still hurts and causes me anxiety almost a decade later