To advise men to "just be confident" is useless.

Men like me, men who can't approach because it's too anxiety-provoking and seems too likely to produce negative outcomes, we don't approach.

You're afraid for 2 reasons: bad past experiences, and anti-harassment messaging. Practicing platonic social skills helps both. That's the point. You'll gain insight into subtle nuances of why your approaches creeped women out and how to do better. You'll also gain social comfort and confidence having positive interactions with women, lowering the anxiety.

I don't know how old you are, or what gender you are, but as a 30-something man

I'm a guy your age. I didn't know how old you were. Based on the inexperience and approach fear (programmed more into Gen Z), I assumed younger. It is much easier to grow social groups in early-to-mid 20s. But you still can in 30s. You just have to take more initiative. Other 30-somethings are single and lonely too. Find them and make a friend group.

Even socially capable people can't do it

Wrong, we can and do. I keep meeting more every year.

I feel bad because I can't even keep up with all the groups and people I meet. I need to find a way to transplant some to lonely single guys. Believe it or not, there's a shortage of single guys in a lot of these scenes. The guys must be invisible hiding at home on their computers. There is so much opportunity.

I've tried getting workmates

Lesson 1: Learn to take a no and move on. Some people are busy with marriage and family. Some are busy with career. Filter them out. Search for the other lonely singles who want to get out more. They're there, trust me. We have a loneliness epidemic.

Just get out there at keep practicing. It takes time, especially if you had a skills deficit younger.

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