My dad was fucking my first girlfriend behind mine and my mother's back when I was 19. When he got found out he was completely unrepentant and unapologetic, insisting he was seduced and basically being a cunt about it. On top of this, he was emotionally manipulating both me and my mom so we wouldn't find out about it for months, even though we were both suspicious. After it came to light my mom divorced him and kicked him out of the house. I cut contact for 5 months until he one day showed up at the house begging for forgiveness. He asked me if I would feel better if he killed himself and I said yes. He did. I didn't go to his funeral. I hate him for what he did and making me feel guilty for his death. At this point I wish I could've killed him myself, because it has completely ruined my life and I am unable to function regularly in society because of this. It's been almost 4 years since this all happened and I'm still so fucked from it.