I can't explain how this happened as I was raised Catholic from the age I was adopted (3months) onward and no other doctrines were introduced besides a Christian preschool nor was I exposed to anything of radical belief etc etc. My mom was overprotective due to that whole adoption thing and real or imagined there were so many years to worry of the birth mother revoking the order.
One day in kindergarten (I know this is entirely accurate. Also this was the only grade that had restrooms within the classroom) I was in the bathroom. Entering it I saw I was alone so I decided it would be neat to pee with no light. I flipped off the switched and felt around until I managed my position. (Judge me, I don't give a damn)
Here's what essentially happened. Don't forget this is the kind of shot rolling through a 5 year old's head, I'm fucking 30 now: I couldn't manage to see a thing, it was time to open my eyes, wait, they already were. For some reason I was really taken by how dark it was, there must've been a night light or my door was open with a light of some sort coming in from the kitchen in my room because this was so unusual for me.
I had always been a thinker and a talker, talking to just about anyone who would come within my range. It's strange given my Mom's protectiveness, but she didn't put a stop to it. Luckily though it started to dwindle and came to a abrupt halt not too long from this time period when I preferred being lost in my thoughts alone.
I didn't like the dark. I wasn't scared. I also knew that I was truly alone so that wasn't the problem either. But when the lights went off the space, the bathroom, changed, and I felt like I was somewhere else (even if I was pissing, so it wasn't iron clad observation, fuck off!)
When done I still sat there thinking about the dark and being somewhere else. I wondered if this was the same as sleeping even though I didn't remember sleeping. If I didn't remember sleeping what things happened then and if I stayed up would I just go to sleep, like this, and see what happened.
Is this where I would go when I died?
I knew about the angels and jesus and about going to heaven but what if something happened and I didn't go? Or for some reason those things weren't there? I didn't understand why they wouldn't be there and actually I was getting terrified so fast because they told us what forever was and if forever was your eyes open seeing black and thinking what if?
and before you were a baby you weren't in heaven and you didn't do anything bad so that meant you were in the black until you weren't.
Maybe another minute or two passed. The whole incident was maybe 6 minutes, very fast. I was fucking terrified. After that you couldn't talk this out of me, although I hid t for years and years. I tried hinting several times, wanting to discuss it, which hit the decks like a lead balloon.
Interchangeably I grew up terrified of many things: the concept of infinity seriously just bugs me out, hell the concept above even if it sounds hokey having my conscience in infinite darkness? No thanks. I'll be a lamer and duck out with just that one.
On a side note there's a book by Martin Pistorious called Ghost Bot who had Locked In Syndrome and his experience is just out of this world. Really interesting. Unfortunately you just want to push the narrator down a hill at several points, I don't know how exactly to explain it other than kind of smarmy.