Getting HSV 2 from the first person I was ever with, followed by him suffering a TBI and forgetting I was a person, thus preventing me from confronting him to this day (no, he didn't fake the TBI, I was there for the surgery). To make matters worse, I was slut shamed and given incorrect information by the doctors I saw when I was diagnosed. I have made my peace with having HSV but the psychological trauma of the circumstances under which I found out and had to process the information has left me with some deep scars. I have a very fucked up relationship with sex now, and I either cry, panic, or get depressed after each time. I also have an irrational fear of getting a worse STI now even though I use protection and have all my partners tested beforehand. When I went in for my routine screen this year I mentally broke down when they drew my blood, even though I knew I was gonna test clean (and I did). The fear and psychological pain that sex and the thought of STIs causes me is intense. But I also crave sexual validation to feel "normal" so I keep pursuing sex knowing it will just make me feel worse. Idk when or if I'll come out of it. I'm not ok now that I think about it.