That I will never be able to live every single possible permutation of life. That people just doors down from my house have substantially different experiences that I won't ever have, and that even though I have many interests, I won't be able to experience a career in all of them before I die. That there are jobs I'm not at all interested in, but in another life, or if I had been raised differently, in which I could be interested. This isn't only regarding the choices I make; it's painful thinking that - just because of circumstances of birth - I won't know what it was like to grow up on some tropical island, or by the fjords, or in neighborhoods unlike my own, or what it was like walking to school in New York City, or what it was like being raised on a peaceful farm in some small, agrarian country. Then I think about how infinitely different every single life is in this era, and it's harder even to think that I'll never experience what it was like to grow up in a different time, or as a different gender, or as a different ethnicity, and the combinations are endless.

I've always been interested in other cultures, but I was always also sort of indoctrinated into thinking that my own was somehow the best. Getting older and traveling is great for broadening your experiences and your mind, but they never tell you how much it hurts, too. Everywhere is so amazing, and there's just not enough time to see everything and do everything. You leave your country, live elsewhere for a while, and feel a new life starting up there, start realizing how rich every single society and culture is once you break the surface, but then it's like you've split your life into what could have been and what is, and every decision you make is like splitting yourself a little bit more; like narrowing your path through life.

I know that all sounds very pessimistic, and it's not like it keeps me from living, haha. And I'm not just narrowing my life - it just feels like it when you realize how many options there are and how many decisions we make. It's easy to understand how "ignorance is bliss."