Wow totally read that as dieting. I've had some close encounters with dieting and dieters.

But since I'm here, might as well tell a serious story:

Once I was getting gas and this crackhead jumps in my car and sticks the classic gun-under-shirt into my side and tells me to drive to the nearest atm. So I did.

While driving I notice this guy is bugging out, and I'm getting more and more pissed about my situation. I decide I need to make a move because he was probably going to steal my car too (it was a firebird and cool as fuck, accurately named BirdyMcBatmobile).

So, I go to shift and I elbow his "gun" and I feel it bend. Mother fucker was holding me up with some fingers. Not today buddy.

At this point I was pissed and raging. I saw nothing but red and it gets kind of dark and twisted from here out.

I pulled over, he starts threatening to shoot me. I pull out a knife I keep on my drivers side and stick it to his neck. I press it so hard I see blood. He freezes.

I say "shoot me bitch". It was about this time I imagine he regretted a lot of things in his life. He started apologizing and asking if he can just go and all that.

I say "get the fuck out of my car before I stain my upholstery" (word for word. Sorry it's so cheesy but come on. I like snarled it through my teeth so he probably pissed himself).

He gets out, but your good friend Lukethelumberjack is still pissed about the situation. He's running and I decide I want him dead. I start revving my engine, smash it into gear and I begin chasing him.

Running red lights, fishtailing, swerving. He's cutting through lawns and I'm trying to calm myself down. Eventually he hops a fence and he's gone.

I pull over, take a few deep breaths, and go home.

Tldr; thought this was about dieting but it's not so I told my story about how a crackhead tried to rob me and I tried to kill him