I actually do not know. There are things I have done that have harmed me and would devastate the people who love me but have no other serious consequences. There are things I have done to other people. I am not sure. For a while lately I have been thinking about the time I was really horribly racist to someone and had no idea what I was doing. I was about 12 and lived in the countryside where we had no black people. Seriously. In my school of about 1200 people there was a black teacher and that was it. We of course had heard jokes about black people and the N word etc. Well one time I was visiting family friends in the city and they had the mobile number of the little boy next door. He was probably about 10. And they wanted to prank him. I think it went through to voicemail and they wanted to leave a funny voicemail so then they gave it to me and said he would not know my voice. Except he would because he was their neighbour and we had played together and I had been into his house etc. Anyway I said all this shit. I do not even know what. Like called him a black bastard and said the N word. I just thought it was something I could say to tease him. I had no idea of any of the various pieces of history relating to race. No idea how he would feel about it. I just said that shit because it came to my mind. And then a few weeks later my mum got a call from her friend who told her what had happened and I had to write a grovelling apology letter or face charges. What did I do to him? How did I ruin his childhood? The families had previously been friends (they may have been arguing at this point, I don't know). This was his neighbour calling him up and abusing him because of his skin colour. Fuckkkkkkkk. I remembered that one a few months ago and it is not going away. I try to live a peaceful life now and not do anything to harm anyone. I am haunted by the things I did as an unhappy child growing up in abusive home.