ESH

Your attitude sucks. You immediately criticize him, you come out with an eyeroll and a groan because the dishes arent done the way you want them done. When your husband says that the dishwasher is on and washing, you laugh at him.

He sucks because he is old enough to know how to load a dishwasher, and to put more dishes than 5 inside before lighting it off. Weaponized Incompetence? I dont think so, I think he just isnt thinking clearly because you said he is fine doing 5 loads with a few dishes at a time, so it seems hes fine loading the dishwasher, even if not the way you would do it. And if hes fine paying the water and power bill for running the dishwasher that many times, well then whats the problem?

You both need to sit down and talk (calmly - not with eyerolls or 'relax' comments) about how the dishes need to be loaded in the dishwasher and who will do it on which days.

My kids and I had a pact (I was a single Mother so there was no husband to do any of it) I would load the dishwasher and they would empty and put away. And then they each took 2 days a week to clear the table and rinse the dishes into the sink (And since I paid the bills, I only had to do it once a week). It worked really well. Not only because it taught them how to do it correctly but it felt like a fair division of dish labor.

However it is you and your husband choose to divide it up, you need to both agree on it.

Communication is KEY -- particularly when you have a new baby! Hes the only one working currently (it appears from your post) but you are the one taking care of the newborn day and night (again, as it appears from your post) so you both are tired and have your hands full.