Honestly? Today. It's an every day thought for me and has been for years. Why? I feel like I'm better off dead than I am alive. I feel like I don't contribute much to everyday life and I hurt those I love the dearest. I don't see myself as this bright, caring, happy girl that people describe me as. I see myself as someone who has a dark mind and can't escape the awful thoughts, but cover it with a fake smile. It's hard for me to connect with people emotionally and when I do I push them away. I don't like who I am and knowing that makes everyday life hard. I was diagnosed with depression a few years back when I was a teenager, but I feel like Bipolar fits me more. I am scared to go see anyone about it as I'm not sure how that would affect me career wise.

Even though I have these thoughts, I know I won't go through with them. I know it would devastate my family and I would hate to have them have that baggage. My two dogs wouldnt have a place to go besides a shelter or rescue and I couldn't imagine doing that to them.