3. [SERIOUS]Who's one person you wish you never knew/met?

[SERIOUS]Who's one person you wish you never knew/met?

Note: This post is not promoting pedos or containing pedo content

Myself in terms of my disgusting sexual behavior.

My behavior happened in my childhood. I never felt like my sexual behavior developed normally. When I was in 3rd grade, I was turned on by bondage after watching TV shows. In particular, I was turned on by seeing someone be stuck in the mud. Throughout my early life, I jacked off to any content about someone being stuck in the mud, including books, TV shows, movies, online videos, and more. That was my kink through high school. I would actively keep my behavior a secret from everyone. When I searched through videos on YouTube, I did remember searching numerous times about kids being stuck in the mud specifically as I was a kid at the time. However, the main focus was on the mud and stuck part. I just jacked off to anything that has to do with being stuck in the mud.

What was concerning of my behavior at the time was the age gap in terms of my behavior. One instance that was particularly wrong was when I was in 8th grade (and likely did this through early high school), I did my thing towards the quicksand scene in an A-Z mystery book I found online. I never payed attention to the age of characters as I just skipped to that particular scene by skimming. It was only until a few years later I realized my behavior was messed up because the character in the story was in elementary school. I never paid close attention to age in that case. I just watched or read the book or video, and did my thing later on in my private thoughts. I only focused on the stuck part.

However, for YouTube videos, I did act on that behavior with people who are younger than me and did specifically search for kids stuck in the mud since I thought it was okay as I was a kid at the time. I still mainly focused on the stuck part when I did my thing. I cut out my behavior around the middle of high school and only acted on my behavior on people who are age appropriate in those forms of media.

Lately, I have just been constantly worried about whether or not I am a deviant or messed up. It is just hard to comprehend.

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