If it’s a topic you’re used to fighting about I can see why a fight/defensive mindset might happen without even meaning to. Thank you for clarifying that for me :)

For what it’s worth, I agree with a lot of the other shared sentiments. It really sounds like he’s an alcoholic and doesn’t have the ability to be a partner.

I’m not a doctor, so maybe I’m wrong in my views on the subject. I’ve known addicts and it’s horrible. The ones I knew were awesome people. One was probably one of my favorite people. Not romantically, but he was really funny, hard working, genuinely tried to make the lives around him better. It was really hard to learn and accept he was stealing, driving high, etc. I know people who say this is who they are, blah blah. But I dunno. I think it’s kindof different, like you’re fighting for someone buried under the addiction. But at the same time they’re the only possible person to climb out. And you have to be able to realize when they’re dragging you in instead of you dragging them out. It sounds like that’s already happening to you. And it sucks, I know he’s probably a good person underneath it all too, otherwise you obviously wouldn’t be struggling. But to me it’s like you’re fighting to be with the addiction, not with him.

For my friend I told him that I could support him when he was ready for help, but not before. And it’s hard to juggle support vrs enabling. I just try to keep the rope analogy in mind. To me about that limit, knowing when you can’t be there for someone because you need to look out for your on health.

I hope that long ramble helps a little, even if it’s so you know I don’t think he’s bad/you’re bad and wish you the best.