The time I blew it with my high school crush. We had last period drama class together which then shuffled directly into drama club with no discernable margin as my teacher had more AD/HD and less self control than a quadrapelegic on cocaine. We would do our awkward high school mating dance of averted glances and sheepish smiles with the added "bonus" flirtation of improve games. These were stage exercises that were intended to improve your range but were really just an excuse for hormone-junky high schoolers to get sweaty and hold hands while trying not to vomit (maybe that last part was just me). Anyways we had some down time one day as a few other students were rehearsing so we played an improve game role playing as Sid and Nancy.

I know right?

Well we got to the alley scene and by this point in the year two things had become painfully clear: 1) we liked each other 2) we literally had no clue where to go from there. These realizations come to us in the form of our classmates cheering us on to do a stage kiss. I look at them; they're serious. I look at her; she's serious. Its becoming increasingly pertinent to mention the fact of my reputation as a notorious 'class clown'. So I'm pretty certain I'm incapable of taking anything seriously at this point because that would mean making myself vulnerable for even a millisecond so I have literally no idea what I'm about to do.

She leans in. I lean in. I glance to my friends surrounding us. They're on the edge of their seats. I look at her and do the only thing I can think of.

I licked her face guys. I fucking slobbered on her nose. I don't just mean like a playful little puppy lick either. Her makeup had to be re-applied. My friends laughter can still be heard echoing to this day, while her silence was all I could hear. Her face was, in a word, crestfallen. She began to tear up and sprinted out of the room, leaving me to my congratulations and infinity of the most hollow high fives of my life. I realized then I had just made the most embarrassing mistake of my life and no one even knew it. Nothing between us has ever been the same to this day. Kari (fuck it real name cause yolo) if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. In another life somewhere, I probably loved you.