The full immersion when I'm playing League is the best time of my day. I get to focus completely on what to build, how to play my lane and how to help my team. I forget about all the negative thoughts in my head (apart from when I have a bad game or I make a stupid play) and just get into the game.
I honestly think this game has saved my life. If I didn't have this break everyday I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here anymore.
I only have one friend in real life (who I play league with) who doesn't go to my school so I don't see him much anyway and the rest are online. If I don't go on League in the evening that would mean, pretty much, isolation for that day, and that gets to you after a while. My grades aren't that good and I have no idea what I want to do with my life (the things I was interested in are unreachable now) so it's good to forget about that for a bit too.
Unfortunately my parents don't see it like I do (I'm 17 and live at home so they are able, to an extent, control what I do). My dad is convinced I have a gaming addiction and that my frontal lobe is degenerating the more I play. My mum thinks I'm just wasting time and that I couldn't get a job in the industry so I should just stop doing it because it's not going to go anywhere. They're both aware of my mental state and low mood but they don't connect the gaming with it, and I don't feel comfortable letting them in (ergo telling them about my suicidal thoughts) because of their negative associations and how they react to gaming.
They're slowly forcing me away fromI because of what they think of it and I can feel myself slipping again. I've built up a better life online and I could loose it so easily if I'm pushed away from it.
I don't really know why I wrote all this, I guess it's just something to get off my chest. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm just complaining about my middle class life. Sorry if it's out of place on this post.