Hi:p

Honestly i don't think I'm really qualified to reply because I don't think I really have sufficient life experience to back it up but I'll just try I guess.

I think you have to ask yourself why you want to have such a relationship in the first place so that you can figure out what it is you want from a relationship that you feel like you are missing and see what you can do to fulfil that need.

I feel that it is possible to completely fulfil the need for emotional intimacy by having close friends. In my opinion feeling the need for this often stems from feeling like no one cares about you/values you. If you have people who understand you and have accepted you and vice versa I think that you would be more or less set. Personally I had struggled with loneliness for many years and when I found a few real actual friends I could feel at peace for lack of a better word.

If it's intellectual intimacy you want, where you wish to have someone to discuss ideas and concepts with, you can satisfy this need by having friends who enjoy this kind of conversation or maybe using internet forums like Reddit or Quora.

If its physical, I don't have anything to say because I literally have no experience with that haha.

I think you also have to ask yourself, why do you fear being alone?

You sound like you're really struggling with this issue. I hope everything turns out well for you.