But you already disregarded the healer entirely. You said tanks should get to dictate the pace of the run. Now healers and tanks get to dictate the pace of the run?

Everyone should have a say in the run. DPS included. Everyone is part of the run. Four people are in the run together, two of them don't just get to be kicked to the curb because "they are DPS."

The fact is, if I am going to be bluntly honest, tanking and healing big pulls in level 60 dungeons isn't hard. It might be intimidating or scary at first, but it really isn't a difficult task. It is easy enough that it quite simply is the expectation. If a tank or a healer refuses to big pull then they are performing below the median expectation by the community. If, for example, a tank big pulled and the Black Mage sat there casting single target fire spells on the double/triple pull, it would be a bit annoying yeah? If the BLM said "I prefer a nice, slow and steady run so I don't AoE" nobody is going to approve of that. The BLM is just actively playing poorly and making the run go slower. A healer/tank dictating the pace of the run and refusing to let the DPS AoE properly in the first place is doing the same thing.

Again, if tanking/healing big pulls was actually a significantly difficult task then it wouldn't be nearly as big of a problem. But the fact that the Duty Finder expectation is big pulls pretty much directly shows it quite frankly isn't. Nobody is asking the sprout tank in Sastasha to big pull, but asking a level 60 tank/healer to do so isn't a stretch, honestly.