My mom desperately trying to resuscitate my clearly deceased father. He passed while I was asleep in the same house due to a blood clot. She came home and screamed for me to come help. I walked in the room and he was grey and lifeless. After the EMTs took him out my mom and I could see the path from the hallway in the kitchen to the couch where he must have struggled to breathe. I wrestle with guilt every day about maybe I could have done something.

My parents friend who is a doctor told me that even if he had been sitting next to him in the ER waiting area his chances of surviving that clot would still be incredibly low. I don't know if that's true but it helped me at the time.

Let me tell you the sense desperation from my strong, nerves of steel, don't take shit from nobody mother trying to hold onto her best friend and love of 35 years will always haunt me and has caused damage.