KRAMER: Well, you gotta give me something! Come on, how was the wedding? Was the bride radiant?
ELAINE: She.. was.
JERRY: 'Till she found out Elaine slept with the groom.
KRAMER: (Interested) Ooohh.. That sounds juicy. Listen, I gotta go to the bathroom, but I want to hear all about it. (Gets up and heads for the bathroom)
GEORGE: (While skimming a Monk's menu) You know, I didn't go to the bathroom the entire time we were in India.
JERRY: I can't believe we went all the way to India for a wedding!
(Notice: "ONE DAY EARLIER" People storm out of a building. All are dressed in wedding apparel)
SUE ELLEN: That's it! The wedding's off.
PINTER: What? But, Sue Ellen-
SUE ELLEN: (Cutting him off. To Elaine) Elaine, you were my maid of honor and you slept with MY Pinter?!
ELAINE: No, no, no! It was years ago - before you met him. And, and I got to tell you.. it was very mechanical.
SUE ELLEN: I have never been so humiliated!
ELAINE: (To Jerry and George) Idiots! This is all yoru fault!
GEORGE: (While pointing at Jerry) Not me! Him! His fault! He betrayed me!
JERRY: (Pleading) George, I'm sorry..
GEORGE: You can stuff your sorries in a sack, Mister!
JERRY: (Confused) I don't know what that means.
GEORGE: (To his girlfriend) Alright, Nina, you have to decide right now. Jerry or me?
NINA: (Casually) Alright.. Neither.
GEORGE: What?! Well, what are you doing here?
NINA: A free trip to India. And by the way, you can take off those boots. Everyone knows you're five' six.
GEORGE: Five' eight! Five' seven!
ELAINE: (To Sue Ellen) See? See the way they are?! We're - we're still best friends, right?
SUE ELLEN: No. (Grabbing at the stud in Elaine's nose) And take that stupid thing out of your nose!
(Elaine screams in pain as Sue Ellen pulls the stud out)
JERRY: That's got to hurt, I don't care where you're from!
GEORGE: (Whispering to Jerry) What time is our flight back? I got to go to the bathroom.
[Setting: A building in India]
(Notice: "FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER" The bride, Sue Ellen, and the Groom, Pinter, are walking down the aisle. Elaine is scattering flowers behind them. Jerry
walks in and takes a seat)
ELAINE: (Whispering to Jerry) Hey.
ELAINE: What happened last night?
JERRY: Oh, you were pretty loaded.
ELAINE: (Gesturing to her nose stud) I know. I woke up with this.
JERRY: Oh. Hello, Tetanus.
(Scene cuts to Nina and George entering the wedding hall)
NINA: George, I've used the bathroom. It's fine.
GEORGE: (Struggling) No, no, no, no. I can walk it off. It's a hundred and twenty degrees in here.. I'll sweat it out.
ELAINE: (Seeing George, she walks over to greet him) Hey. (Looking at his shoes) Are those Timberlands painted black?
GEORGE: (Looking at her nose) Is your nose pierced?
ELAINE: (Embarrassed) I should.. (Walks tward the bride and groom)
GEORGE: Yeah. (Points to two open seats in front of Jerry's. To Nina) Sit down there. (Sees Jerry in the crowd) Hello, Jerry. (Obviously angered at Jerry) I
believe you know Nina.
JERRY: (As George sits down) George, we need to talk.
GEORGE: (Trying to keep his voice down) I think you've done a lot more than talk! You betrayed me!
JERRY: Alright, I admit it. I slept with Nina, but that's all.
GEORGE: (Outraged) "That's all"?! That's everything! I don't know what all the rest of it is for anyway!
JERRY: (Pleading) I'm really sorry.
GEORGE: You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister!
JERRY: (Confused) Where'd you get that one?
GEORGE: It's an expression.
ELAINE: (From the front of the room, she can hear George and Jerry's heated discussion) Hey! Shhhhh! (Crosses herself, then shakes her head - apologizing)
GEORGE: (Trying to whisper to Jerry) Look, we are gonna settle this right now! I demand reparations! I should get to sleep with Elaine. That's the only way to
JERRY: That doesn't punish me. It punishes Elaine! And cruelly, I might add.
GEORGE: (Losing it) Funny guy!
(Elaine casually makes her way to Jerry and George)
ELAINE: Hey! Monkeys! Knock it off. My best friend is trying to get married up here!
GEORGE: Elaine, you have to sleep with me.
ELAINE: (Definite) I'm not gonna sleep with you.
ELAINE: Would you grow up, George?! What is the difference? Nina slept with (Points to Jerry) him, he slept with me, I slept with Pinter. Nobody cares! It's all
GEORGE: (Loud, so everyone at the wedding can hear) You slept with the groom?!
(Everyone goes silent. George and Elaine both look sheepishly. All eyes on them, expecially Sue Ellen)