Let my tell you about one of my best mates. Ironically, I would probably not know him as well as I did unless he went through what he did.
He was the guy everyone liked in high-school which was reflected by the size of his social circle. He was smart, had musical talent and curly hair with blue eyes to boot that made every girl swoon over him. He read and enjoyed literary classics, not out of some misplaced pretentiousness, but he actually enjoyed it (I can't for the life of me absorb those dead Russian, British and French masterpieces, and not for lack of trying!). Teachers loved him, and his future looked bright to everybody and nobody was surprised when he was one of two people from our high-school to be called for an interview at one of the most prestigious universities in the world (we're talking top 5 here).
However, he did not pass that interview, instead ending up at a school with many similar rejects of the Big Uni. I haven't probed him too much about this period so the account below is mostly conjecture and glimpses that he has choosen to confide with me, but I think it made him a little bitter, especially since the other guy from our high-school passed the interview. In fact the two of them who used to get along well had a falling out at this point in time, but I haven't inquired as to why that happened and he has offered very little in terms of explanation.
His first year went along fine. He still had the opportunity to study at one of the finest institutions of his major (literature), and as far as I can tell he was pleased with the curriculum and his achivements. But not all was well, and at some point he started feeling more anxious about going to class. It was something about being in the same lecture hall as a huge number of people that produced a hitherto unfamiliar feeling of agoraphobia, which led to depression. The fact that he was studying abroad might have caused homesickness which further exacerbated the problem, but now I'm speculating.
The first summer he returned from uni he was medicating to counter his anxiety.
His second year of university was never completed. The anxiety spiraled in to full-blown panic attacks at the thought of going to class. He returned home by Christmas.
It was actually at this point that him and I started to become close. In a sense, we would not be as good friends as we are today. I still feel like he is not comfortable with sharing all details of his academic failure, yet I count him as one of my best friends.
So how did he turn this around?
At first he didn't. He tried to transfer credit to our local university, which worked to some extent. But yet again the mere thought of attending a seminar gave him the shivers. He developed some other psychosomatic symptoms which I will not elaborate on further.
As far as I can tell, change came around midsummer that year. He met a girl whom he just clicked with, and I think she brought some stability back into his life. They had a shared passion for fine dining, coffee and wine, and he could now focus his attention on something else than just academic progress. As a consequence, simply "grabbing a beer" with him is out of the question these days. Going to the pub with him has become a costly affair indeed, but I consider it a good investment for his friendship.
Two years later, my mate has still not graduated, but he is no rush to do so. He is taking classes that are mainly internet-based which means that he does not have to go to those dreaded seminars. Working part-time in a shop selling coffee machines in an upscale neighbourhood caters to his hobby. He has quit smoking. Recently, he moved in together with his girlfriend. Last time we spoke he even brought up the topic of kids, although I cannot tell for sure how serious he was.
His social-circle is considerably smaller compared to high-school, and he has become rather introverted. Yet, my mate is in much better place now, physically and mentally. I am very happy for him and I hope that he will achive what he aspires to achive. I admire his persistence, his intelligence, his wits and his humor.
Fuck it. Filip, if you read this you're an A-grade human being. Just wanted you to know that. Sorry if I fucked up some details of your story.