Thanks for this.
It does indeed mirror advice that my friends have given me and that I know in my heart. (Especially the bit about it already being over for the other person long before the breakup.) I got absolutely no closure and have been doing everything I can to put one foot in front of the other each day. I usually recover from relationships in a few weeks. This time it's been two months and I still don't feel like I can date. Finding someone THAT compatible with me seemed like a miracle.
We both wanted to move to the same city together for our careers that just so happened to align, we both wanted kids, we both wanted a serious relationship to lead to marriage, both were huge geeks/gamers/cosplayers, both agnostic and pretty much apolitical, had the same opinions on all the major relationship taboos and boundaries, neither wanted to 'retire' but rather work our respective fulfilling careers forever and maybe teach when older, libido was high and we were very attracted to each other physically, but both knew that when that faded with time and sparks slowed down in years to come we were each other's best friend.
Despite all that and her saying she never thought she would find someone like me, life got to her. She became depressed, other guys started hitting her up, and she up and left one day with full NC.
I'm still who I was before. I'm still happy with myself and working on really cool engaging projects. I have a really interesting and fulfilling life. But I can't seem to make myself see past this haze of rejection from something so good. My logical brain knows that there's someone else out there, but my heart can't seem to realize it.
It took me 12 years of relationships to find that one, and I can't even fathom meeting someone like her again. I can't even comprehend how I got to this point. I think it's because I put 110% trust into our relationship and her words and actions about the way she felt. And then it was torn away.
The only way I know how to try and let go is put one foot in front of the other each day, and try not to think about anything like this again for a long time. I am broken.