Father left at 4. Don't remember his face. Poor because of one parent. Mother most beautiful person I know. Would kill for her. Born small, weak, taken advantage of. Very smart. Alienated due to circumstance. Not the same. Fucked with in school. Grew to hate it. Determined to finish.

Determined to not be like dad.

Mother tells me to give up. Get a GED. Two people believe in me. School counselor and best friend. Best friend is murdered. He was 18 years old. Finish school. Takes 5 years.

Sister has mental issues. Was molested when she was young. Tells my mom she hates her. Tells her she wants her to die. Tells her she will kill her self if she doesn't get her way.

Mom walked in on her own mother dead. She was 14. Mom killed herself due to alcoholism. Alcoholic myself by 16.

Arrested twice by 19. Gotta be hard to fit in. I don't belong.

Have to change. Have to not be like my dad. Have to live because my friend can't.

Go to community college. Do ok. A's and B's. Don't know who I am.

Go to big boy college. Put my work boots on. Do good. Win awards for research. Research adviser is infatuated with me. Abuses me.

Alcohol gets the best of me. Get a DUI. I cannot give up.

I cannot be like dad.

Depressed. Fight. Lose job. Fight. Lose car. Fight. Not gonna be like dad.

Graduate top of class. Family is happy.

Dad is dead. Brain aneurysm. Don't go to funeral. Don't cry. Says his only son died. He was a toddler. He was two. I am here.

Mom has brain aneurysm. Surgeons save her. Grateful.

Get into grad school. Somewhere new. Somewhere away from despair. Far away. In Canada.

Rejected at border. DUI keeps me out.

Back home. Destroyed. Crushed. Shamed.

Liquor store. Right next door. Booze any time.

Remember my mother. Passed out on the couch drooling. Drunk. Hopeless.

Try to remember dad.

Not like dad.

I won't be like dad.

I fight.