About 10-12 years ago i went full ED for the first time (ana then ana/mia). Was still living with my personality-disordered mother, dating an extremely abusive guy, going to school full-time and also working full-time to pay rent because my mom was too busy suing everybody. Then the guy and i broke up, i moved out of the city, lost contact with my mother, tried to kill myself, recontacted and re-broke up with the abusive guy, and eventually managed to get my shit together : learned how to have healthy relationships and to control my own demons (they'll never leave completely and i learned to be ok with them, sort of).

So yeah, i kind of recovered for a few years, met my current (wonderful) boyfriend, finished school, got hired at a great college in a great city, my life seemed to finally go somewhere. Then the semester ended a few months ago, they didn't have enough work for one more teacher in my field for next year and i feel like i'm back to being nobody, broke, ugly and incapable of anything good. Started restricting and exercising more and more heavily in an attempt to regain some sense of control over myself. Now my relapse is starting to affect my relationship with my boyfriend and i'm afraid to lose him, even though he's extremely understanding and supportive. I'm isolating myself from my friends, too. I went from teenage victim of constant daily abuse to "healthy, responsible and soon-to-be successful young adult" to relapsed emotional mess + minimum wage worker crippled with student loans. These days i'm questioning my own ability to lead an average, minimally stable life.