Those who have had a relationship break up after 5+ years, why? Why did it work for so long and then suddenly just...not?

I was with my SO for about six and a half years. We'd known for years that a big career move was coming up for me, and had planned accordingly - the destination I ended up with was great for me, it was where his company's head office was located, and he had a lot of friends and family there.

Now, back up a little. We'd been having some problems. I'm pretty proactive about solutions and we'd discussed them at length. It was weird though, because unlike every other time we'd worked through something, I really didn't feel like I was getting much back. And this had been going on for almost a year by the time the move was confirmed. Nonetheless he'd reiterated his commitment to working through the rough patch (honestly, it was just another staleish period like all relationships have, there weren't problems per se) and I assumed that all would be well.

When the move (company and destination) was confirmed, I took a step back and realised I didn't actually know if he was going to move with me. The more I thought about it, the more I realised I didn't think he was. So I sat him down and asked. He said no, and apparently he'd been feeling this way for almost a year (note how I didn't think I was getting much feedback on working through things? Yeah.). To his credit he felt really bad about it and said that he honestly had just hoped things would get better and all would be well... they just hadn't, and he didn't want to deal with the stress of a move. Basically he hadn't been bothered trying to improve things with me, and he couldn't be bothered with a very easy move. I broke up with him on the spot.

A week or so later he basically came back to me and said "I may have seriously fucked up, the move probably won't be that bad" etc etc but by that point it was too late. I'd always known he hated change and was pretty happy just being good at what he did, making good money, and chugging along with no real drive (a big difference between us), but seeing so clearly that he wouldn't even make a relatively small move for his girlfriend of a very long time was the nail in the coffin. And he liked having a girlfriend. It was very convenient for him. To be quite honest I would have thought he'd suck it up and make it work because the ultimate effort involved in having me around was a shitload less than finding a new girlfriend, and he's usually quite rational like that.

Anyway, I was relieved. And that meant it was the right call. I guess I thought that good things always require effort and perfection doesn't exist, so since I loved him and we'd been together long enough to know we did work well together, I was happy to put in the effort. It was a bit gutting to find out he wasn't, but better to find out sooner than later. Plus my life is fantastic without him, and he admitted last time I saw him that his is less so without me. So.. good choices all round on my part!

/r/AskReddit Thread