This all started with me flying back home to Chicago for Thanksgiving. Now before I go any further you should know three things. One, I love caramel popcorn and Chicago has the best in the world. Two I fucking love apples. I might as well be handing out Death Notes. Three I worked late the day before Thanksgiving and was operating on little sleep and food when I arrived at my parents' home.

So upon my arrival at the airport I am greeted by my uncle and cousins. We all start taking over each other exchanging pleasantries during the car ride. My youngest cousin, who is 10 and I'm calling Carter, is particularly enthused to see me because my parents had passed down my old toys to him and he really wanted to tell me what he was doing with them, particularly the legos. He's obsessed with them now especially the Phantom Menace era Star Wars sets as he and my uncle have Star Wars fever currently for obvious reasons. On to the incident. When I finally arrive at my parents', after the hugs, kisses, and hellos, I am informed by my little sister she has a surprise for me in the kitchen. When I walk in and look there are three beautiful bags of caramel popcorn waiting for me. Then I move in closer. What is this? It says orchard apple popcorn on it. Opening it up I find that not only is it apple caramel corn but it has actual freeze dried, crunchy, caramel drizzled apples in it. I put it in my mouth and holy shit this is the single most amazing thing I've ever tasted. I proceed to eat half the bag between muffled declarations of my sister being my favorite sibling even if she was my only one. My mother, noticing what I am doing, tells me to lay off the popcorn the food will be ready "soon" , which is code for two hours in my family, and to pour it in a bowl to share with others. Woman this is ambrosia and I'm starving! My sister, against my pleads, empties the bags into a big bowl and places them on the island in the kitchen next to all the various foods being taken on and off. I stake my claim and proceed to spend my time hovering around the bowl grabbing sneaky handfuls of deliciousness. Carter finds me in the kitchen and wants to show me the star fighters he brought along.

As I'm happily talking Star Wars and sneaking handfuls of popcorn, my soon to be not favorite sister sneaks up behind me and jabs one finger into each of my sides, a move she likes to call taser fingers, and shouts "You're going to ruin your appetite." I proceed to aspirate some of the popcorn in my mouth, cough violently, half headbutt shove the 10 year old in front of me knocking him down and breaking his lego creation, and knock over a warm, thankfully not hot, container of gravy off the cluttered island due to a domino effect of junk. My cousin starts crying. My family rallies around the sound to see me standing over a gravy covered, sniffling child giving me the dagger eyes. I try to cough up apologies and popcorn, but both are equally hard to muster up. They finally come out but the scene is a chaotic mix of people asking what is wrong with me, trying comfort my cousin, and accidentally stepping on lego pieces. I decide not to out my sister as the instigator since she has to live in the house and I was leaving the next day. Also the apple caramel popcorn was really really delicious. Thankfully dinner was actually almost ready at this point so it helped break up the commotion.

One change of clothes and clean up later dinner is ready and the food's sedative effects provide a much needed wave of calm on the household. After dessert, I approach my cousin and uncle who are working together to repair the ship. I get the bright idea of offering to get him a new lego set, since I'd seen they were on sale during Black Friday. His eyes light up and he starts scouring through the sales papers we have lying around to find what he would like. After he finds his prize, he lets me know that he would really really like to go with me because I'm "such a cool cousin". My uncle generously informs me it is actually because he likes to try and stay up late, but I choose to believe the kid. I agree to bring him along, with my uncles approval, and he is bouncing up and down with anticipation in the car the whole way. We get to the store and get through the throngs of humanity only to discover that the set he wants is gone. Now I'm not sure if he really wanted the toy or the time and stress of the day overcame him, but his eyes turn red and his whole face just silently starts leaking. Watching him try not to make a scene was even sadder than if he was wailing like a brat in the store. I offer to get him something else, but he says he just wants to go home.

I get him back home so he can sleep the day off. I sleep a few hours myself, after making a leftovers mashup, and go to the airport early in the morning. The story does have a happy ending though. I felt so bad for him I ended up buying him two sets off eBay, and some of the apple caramel popcorn I found on there for myself, and shipping them along. He called me yesterday to say thanks and I promised not to pour gravy on him again.

tl;dr Choked on apple caramel deliciousness. Accidentally assaulted a 10 year old and bukkaked him with my family gravy. Tried to make it up to him and ended up making him cry more. Eventually we both got what we wanted thanks to the internet.