John,

Don't take it too hard. I am 54 years old and spent my life taking risks and pretty much doing the opposite. My first wife still cheated on me and I now find myself cheating on my second wife, which is a conscious decision since she changed pretty much the moment I put that ring on her finger. My first wife cheated because Tourette's Syndrome runs in my family and I didn't want to give it to a second child. I offered adoption but she felt cheated and always resented me for that. The bottom line is she and the five year fight to stay in my son's life resulted in my losing everything (my pension and 401K, my fully paid house, $100K in the bank that she withdrew before calling the police to have me imprisoned on charges of false abuse, about $50K in credit card charges that she ran up and I got suck with, and nearly a half a million dollars to lawyers). Now that child support is finally over, I am now starting totally over at 54 years old. I have nothing but $20K saved and about $500 in a 401K while still owing nearly $60K in student loans that I used to get my son through college. I'm telling you this not as a sob story but so you can feel more confident in your decisions. You did nothing wrong and may have well wound up in the same place if you followed the other path. BTW, your wife cheated on you dude, that's not your fault - if you changed then it was up to her to vocalize that to you and not take the easy way out. I tried that with my current wife and it just doesn't work, nonetheless I'm the one cheating so I fully accept the blame if and when this marriage were to end. The bottom line is I have nothing and didn't do what I thought I would do at 20. I made tons of mistakes, and my current marriage is likely to dissolve, but I'm still happy because I understand life is a crap shoot and you have to enjoy every moment regardless. Overall, I've had one heck of a life and look forward to the years to come. One thing I did do was publish my book at the age of 51 - so there is still time for you to write and publish yours. In fact, these days I run my own small publishing company and would be happy to publish your work (assuming that it isn't picked up by a larger publisher, you finish it, and it is a decent narrative). Keep the faith my friend, your best years may well be yet to come!