When I was a kid this Nestle Alpine White candy bar commercial played every, single, fucking commercial break. To this day, almost thirty years later, it still haunts me.

Quick side story: this was also my first experience with a successful marketing campaign. My parents owned a small-town grocery store, and one night while my dad was closing up I spotted the glorious Nestle Alpine White candy bar on the candy rack. Remembering those hauntingly beautiful images dancing on the screen, that mysterious song that still played in my head, the way that commercial seemed more like a deep, religious experience than a thirty-second tv spot - I had to have the beautiful candy bar it represented.

"Mooooom..." I said. "I want this candy bar. It's white chocolate, I never eated it befooooore."

"No! You won't like it!" she snapped.

"But moooooooom, I want it!"

"Fine, but you won't like it!" she relented.

This was it. The moment of desire had ended, as the most glorious candy bar in the history of mankind was now mine. It was no longer just a far-off fantasy of dreamy clouds, plastic models, and blatantly ripped off Maxfield Parrish imagery behind a stunning music bed. It was mine. Right here, right now, in this grocery store of complete normalcy, I was about to enter Heaven.

Unwrapping the strikingly white, godlike chocolate from its packaging, I slowly brought the savory sweetness to my lips, bit into it, and promptly spit it out. It sucked. It sucked shit through ten bricks. My mom bitched at me and I felt like an ass.

My contempt for Nestle goes back a lot further than recent events.