I also broke up with a guy I was living with/had been dating for 5 ish years. We were kind of the inverse of your situation...I wasn't unemployed, but I liked to lay around, read, watch TV, and he wanted to be out conquering the world. At first things went well because he would propose and "adventure" and I'd be happy to just go along, but after several years I was ready for him to go on adventures alone more often than not and he wanted ME to be the one planning adventures for the both of us. I still loved him, but like you said we were both holding each other back and making each other miserable.
It was an awkward breakup because he wanted to keep "being friends" and I wanted a clean break and to move on. We kept in touch for a while but it was obvious that he was angling for a bigger part in my life than I wanted to give him, so eventually I stopped replying to his emails/stopped calling and he got the message. It wasn't very nice, but I had to do what was best for me and my life.
When we broke up, I left and got my own apartment. We didn't have a ton of shared belongings to split up, but in general if something was "for the house" (i.e.- measuring cups, baking dishes, gardening tools, etc.) I left it, and if it was something that I used more than him I asked if I could take it and generally he obliged. When my parents divorced, one of the things my dad did to stay a part of my mom's life (kinda like revenge, I guess) was to pick fights over EVERY LITTLE SHARED POSESSION. I had watched this, and went into my split with the mindset that I didn't want my ex to use stuff to manipulate me, and anything he put up a fight over keeping I would let him have.
It sucks to break up with someone you still love. It sucks to have to hurt someone you care about. But the reasons you've laid out seem perfectly legitimate, and like you are being proactive about ending a relationship that is likely to peter out on its own sooner rather than later.
As for how to convince you it's ok to be selfish...all I can tell you is that you have ONE life to live, and ultimately it is up to YOU how it turns out. It seems like a waste of passion and adventure and initiative for you to stay in a "homebody" relationship that isn't really satisfying to you. What if you got hit by a bus tomorrow? Would you be happy with how your life turned out, or would you be full of regrets over things you never got to do? You deserve to be happy, and it's not fair to you or to him to stay in a relationship where that isn't happening.
Having your ex home all the time will probably be awkward during the moving out phase, but you could always ask him to go to a friend's house (or tell a mutual friend what's up and ask for help getting him out of the house).
Good luck with whatever you choose, and good for you for going after what makes you happy. As for the end of my story...I found a guy who has the same "homebody" temperment as me and we have an incredible relationship. It is a relief to be able to lay back and relax together, and not wonder if he's really miserable and wishing I would get up and suggest we do something.