Everyone works like that regardless of whether or not they're overtly okay with it. We don't really control how we see others. Even if we think of ourselves as progressive, open-minded, accepting people, we are subconsciously bigoted. This has been demonstrated through various psychological studies like rapid word association tests. And it is pretty obvious when you look at how stratified and discriminatory our society is.

I don't know of any studies pertaining specifically to transgender people, but I'm certain that it is a phenomenon. Acceptance of gender variance has not reached mainstream consciousness: nowhere close. So I don't think it would be possible for someone to see me the same on a subconscious level as they would a cis person, having been born and socialized in contemporary western society. Everyone is transphobic to some extent growing up in this culture.

In other words, I know that I will be at a disadvantage, which is why I would like to have the chance with the person to let them get to know me so that they can hopefully see through our ingrained cultural bigotry to the person that I am. The truth is that it is extremely unlikely I'll ever meet someone who would see me as equally good as a cis person.

I'm not saying absolutely everyone is this way. If they had very particular experience like being from another culture, having a close transgender relative, or something, they might be different. But most people are. I know that I have my own subconscious biases. I just want to be seen as a person, and if I send an email saying "By the way, I'm transgender" before our first date, it obliterates anything else I might say or do during my first impression.

I know that some people like to date transgender people, but part of my mentality in making this thread is how I would, or even if I could, go about dating lesbians in general someday.

This wouldn't be an issue if I were not viewed as an other for being trans, but that is the reality. Some people will like me as an other, and some wont. Our society hasn't reached the point where trans women are seen as the same as cis women, and that is evidenced by the fact that so many lesbians (and straight men as well) would insist or expect that a trans woman tell them immediately that she is trans lest she be seen as deceptive. If we were truly seen as the same, our trans status would be nothing but a detail of our medical history. Failing to disclose it until things got serious would be normal.

So I guess that when I do start dating again after I finish my transition (since I'm not planning to date during it), I will have to find people that are happy with my status as other. I'm okay with that, I guess. I figured that is how it would be. But it is unfortunate that, no matter how far I go in my transition, I'll never be viewed as the same by most potential dating partners. Even the folks that are okay with it other trans women most of the time (but I'll save that rant for now).