Imagining him scurrying back and forth between wistfully pacing center stage and throwing himself into the stand, out of breath and dripping of a fresh coat of orange.

"So, Shadow Present of the United States Donald Trump, I hear you're the savviest businessman since Rockefeller."

"I'm the Rockefeller of Rockefellers. The best, some say. I don't know why they say it, but they do. It's true. Look it up."

"And you've never made a bad deal, I've been told. How is it someone of your caliber could ever plan a failed insurrection?"

"It's fake news pushed by woke media to tear me down. They hate seeing a man of faith who keeps on winning. If I had attempted a coup, it would've been great, maybe even the best. But I don't know, that's just what they say - I don't lose. Cheating Biden lost, not me. Make America White Great Again For Real This Time."

"He says he didn't do it. What reason would he have to lie? He said it himself, he's a Christian. I rest my case."