Everyone’s talking about her trauma as if you didn’t just experience trauma yourself. You were face to face with burglars in your fucking home. They could have had weapons or tried to kill you, yet you did the right thing in a high pressure situation. The best approach is to allow some time for things to cool off, then explain to her that there is a HUGE difference between “My home is being invaded so I’m gonna kick this guy’s ass” and “I abuse my spouse”. Ffs she even said she isn’t sure if she can “risk” seeing you again? She sounds like she has severe trust issues and needs help beyond what you can provide. If you still want to make this work, counseling sounds the most appropriate.