British person checking in - I would love to do this I think it's in my nature.

The first line I draw will divide Americans. I pledge to single-handedly, with the imperial arrogance of my forefathers and the blessing of HRH divide the USA into more sensible sizes.

There will be Pacificia (I added an extra i for jollies) combining the western united states from California to Washington and any in-between that nobody remembers .

Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, Utah and Idaho I shall rename Frontierland. (I'm also gonna cut Arizona down the middle, half here and half to Pacificia).

Now draw a box from North Dakota to Illinois and you've roughly got Middle Earth - Missouri will be renamed Mordor and Kansas will become Gondor.

Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, will be known as Arkansas but will be pronounced in the way it is spelled (argh-cans-ass) to avoid further confusion.

I shall lump Tennessee to North Carolina down to Florida together and just call it Dangery, although my phone wants to correct that to Sangeet - so that's also a possible.

Michigan, Kentucky, Virginia and whatevers in-between will combine to form Amestris. Washington DC will be renamed Central.

Whatever's left up in the top right corner will be renamed New Scandinavia and will be governed for a transitional period of 60 years by IKEA before being returned to the New Scandinavian people.

Oh and I'll sell Texas to Mexico for three magic beans.