In front of a TV screen, a man is sitting. He erupts into braying, cretinous laughter, spewing crumbs everywhere. He is absolutely mindless. Utterly devoid of thought or reason. He is watching The Big Bang theory.
Previously I have tried to limit my exposure to The Big Bang Theory, for fear I would somehow be reduced to a mindless cow-like being that might find it funny. However, for the purposes of this article I will be forced to undergo prolonged exposure. My friend Russel and worst enemy James will be joining me in this experiment. We have made a pact to shoot each other in the event that any of us becomes a vegetable (like all fans of The Big Bang Theory). James has been practicing all morning by shooting watermelons and giggling.
We may not survive this. May God have mercy on our souls.
After 20 minutes exposure to The Big Bang Theory
So, we managed to survive watching almost an entire episode of The Big Bang theory. We had to abort the experiment at 19 minutes because shit started bleeding out of the walls and we were all crying blo̝̱̖̜͔̩̿͗̂ͨ̚ͅod so much we couldn’t see the screen. James beat his head against the TV until it broke. I think he might be dead, but I honestly don’t give a fuck.
Russel said something about “meddling with for̗̟ͤͫ̐ͣces mankind was not meant to understand”, but he’s always saying shit like that.
So, The Big Ba̩̠̫̪̻̬̙ͨng theory. I knew it was shitty beyond all reason before, but now I have evidence to back it up. Evidence that was pä̩̻̣̠̲́̅͆̇͑ͧinful to gather. We made…sacrifices for this knowledge. We all did.
The first thing I notice is the laugh track, although I’ve been told it isn’t a laugh track; it’s actually a live audience. Apparently a live audience of sycophants trained to laugh whenever somebody finishes a sentence.
Guy: OK, well, make yourself at home.
Girl: Thank you.
Guy: You’re very welcome.
Audience: HURR HURR HURR HURR HURR
The constant laughter at non-jokes just makes the actual “jokes” even less funny