Oh man did this make me mad. I have no idea if you'll even read this, hopefully not because you're already taking steps to remedy this situation but I feel compelled to throw in my 2 cents.

I have been cheated on multiple times in relationships and have a no-tolerance policy. I get VICIOUS when I find out and remove myself from their lives. All that said...I don't believe this constitutes as cheating.

This is not something that happened to you. This is something you did and actively attributed to. All these people posting how well you handled this are fucking wrong. Please listen to all of the other advice from people that are ACTUALLY married and don't spend their time on TRP. Your wife did wrong, I think we can all agree. But so did your "awesome" BFF John. And most certainly, so did you. You weren't brave enough and so fearful of the "awkwardness" of saying a firm no or asking your friend to leave. You didn't take into consideration that your wife was likely blatto AND in a vicious hormone-fueled months long insecurity binge. She, at least, has some "excuse" as to why her thinking wasn't exactly crystal clear.

You married this woman, you made a commitment for sickness and health, good times and bad. Welcome to your first REALLY bad time. PLEASE get your asses into counseling ASAP and work through your inability to vocalize what you need out of this relationship and your wifes insecurity and likely depression. She needs you right fucking now. Be as furious with her as you want, but you guys should be working through this together, that is what you sign up for with marriage.

The real dick in this story is your friend, BY THE WAY. You give him SOOO much leeway for "going through a rough time" from his breakup. You act like fucking your wife was totally understandable yet your wife gets absolutely no pass for her problems? SO MUCH RAGE.